Author Topic: new to this and need advice  (Read 2804 times)


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new to this and need advice
« on: September 02, 2017, 01:15:34 AM »
Hi I'm 24 a dad and with a beautiful girl friend. I have had this feeling that I was not the right gender for a long time.
For years I have pushed the feeling down and acted like people said I should.
I feel more female then male and let my gf know in the last few days and she is so supportive.
I have never had the opportunity to show the side of me that I feel is the real me.
I need to know how and where to start? How much of a financial expense I can expect?
If there is a medical policy that will help me cover therapy, surgery, and anything else?
In life I always stayed to myself out of fear that people would not except me.
I would get depressed and stressed it is so hard to let things go.
But opening up to how I feel is taking a lot off my shoulder and I feel like I'm moving in
The right direction for the first time I can be myself.
I'm opening up to new experiences and trying to be who I really am.
I'm mtf, wanting to have surgery, I'm not attracted to men, and don't like the body I'm in.
I don't get the feeling I think I should from physical interaction I think I should is that normal?
I can see myself with a female body and know what I want to look like.
I have strong feelings this is what I want but then I keep thinking that is not what I should be.
Is that normal when you first open up to something like this?
I'm at a lost of words to explain to people how I feel and it makes me think that they will not
See me for what I am.
If you have any advice or info that can help I would really appreciate it thank you for taking the time
To read this.

Offline Jennifer

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Re: new to this and need advice
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2017, 01:18:53 PM »
Your feelings are completely normal. Every transgender person goes through moments of doubt. It's always hard at first. Usually it's due to fear. But over time you will learn not to notice the stares and comments.

As for where to start no one can tell you that except for you. Everyone starts differently, and at different times in their lives. You have to be totally comfortable with yourself before you can present as your true gender, or lack thereof. If you need you could talk to your girlfriend and start small. Maybe have her help you with makeup when you're going to stay in and watch movies together just the 2 of you. Her advice on clothes could help also. But I can't tell you how to start. All I can do is offer a suggestion, without knowing if you would be comfortable with them.

As for cost, for me it's not too much. I get my clothes and makeup at walmart. They usually don't have bras in my size, so I have to get them online. The same goes for shoes. In men's sizes I'm a 13, but in women's I'm a 15. So shoes are hard for me to find. Also, depending on your style, you may want to look into getting a wig or 2. There's a store here in Columbia that sells a lot of wigs for $20 or less. They also have wigs that are over $500 too, but personally I don't even look at those. Way out of my price range.

People will see you in different ways. Some may be instantly supportive, while others may kick you out of their life forever. Some may have a difficult time with it, but come around after a bit of time. Everyone in my life knows with me. My mother-in-law had a difficult time but she completely ok with it now. My father-in-law just doesn't even really notice, so I'm assuming he is cool with it too.

You may want to look around online for breast forms. There are several sites that sell them, but depending on size and shape, they are not cheap. I got lucky and found some on CL. So before you shell out the big bucks I would recommend checking sites like CL, and eBay. You never know.

You could go to your local DFS office and see about getting on MediCade. It covers a ton of stuff. You may be too old to get on it, tho. They have really weird requirements.

A warning about the hormones tho. They will decrease your sex drive, and can possibly shrink your genitals. So decide if you're cool with that before talking to a doctor.

I hope this helps. If there is anything I left out, or didn't help you with you're always free to ask anything else that is on your mind. We're all here to help each other on their journey.

When it comes to surgery think long and hard about that. Most plastic surgeons won't consider it until you have been on hormonjjes and therapy for a minimum of a year. And that's for breast augmentation. As for feminizing your voice or face, you should wait a while in my opinion. Be careful and absolute before you go under the knife. These type of surgeries are not cheap and they are not reversible.

At this point in your transition, if you elect to go this way, I would strongly tell you to not think about full sex reassignment surgery. Hell I've been in transition for a few years, and I feel it's still too early to even consider that. Others make a choice faster, others make a choice slower.

Meds are something you would have to talk to your doctor and insurance about. If you have good insurance, they may be totally covered. Or if you have crap insurance they may not be covered in the least.

Gender identity and sexual orientation have absolutely nothing to do with each other. If you're not attracted to men, you never will be, regardless of how you see yourself, so don't worry about that.
LGBTQ = Love, Generosity, Bravery, Trust, Quality