Scared parent

[opie]

My wife has joined a few of the Transgender groups on Facebook. They are such dark groups. I cant read all the stories on there. They are so sad for no reason (If you would like me to quantify that i will). She shared one with me yesterday that hurt my heart. It is an all to common thread.

A women in the group had just 5 entries:
1. She joined the group and said hi.
2. She shared that she was a proud mom of an FtM son.
3. Next she talks about him finally getting his name changed
4. Then she said he had successful top surgery
5. Then she said he committed suicide.

I cried. That was so sad.

He had worked though issues like name change and surgery.
He died sad and lonely.
She said he couldnt find love.
That all he ever wanted was to be loved by someone.

Life is hard. Life is harder when you are different.

I point out to my son that it tool 29 years before I found his mom. It took her 40 years to find me.

I hope he listens....... .............G od I hope he listens.

[Jennifer]

For the love of the Gods, show him that there are people who love him. He will find the other half of his soul. It may take time, but he will find that person. It took me 23 years, and several failed relationships to find my wife. And we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and 14 years together. He may have to wait for a long time. He is still a teenager right? Tell him not to expect his other half this early. If he finds him/her early, then great. But that rarely happens. Just don't let him give up. Unfortunately, all too often it's the ones who seem the happiest who are the first ones to take that step. They give no indications of their intentions. But tell him you love him every day. Show him you love him every day. Tell him that his brothers and sisters out here love him. Tell him that both you and us will never give up on him. Everyone's fight is different, and for some it's like an infant fighting Mike Tyson, but that infant does win. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

We are here for you and him. If you want, PM me, and I'll give you my number. That way if he wants he can call and talk to someone that is in his same situation. Check with him, see if he's interested. If he is, let him know that what time it is doesn't make a damn bit of difference. 2AM or 2PM is irrelevant. His life is ungodly more valuable than my sleep or video game schedule. I do have to mention that I am an extremely deep sleeper, so if he calls late at night it may not wake me up. But tell him not to give up, and that as soon as I see that he called, the first thing I will do is call him right back.

[opie]

Thank you. That really means a lot.

We are blessed with our son. He is so humble, empathetic, loving, caring. He always thinks of others first. Nothing like his father :-) Makes me wonder if he's mine :-) . Not really. He is mine. He is just nothing like me. That's a good thing.  He is 18 at the moment. Just got hist drivers license (anxiety issues made this take longer). He is now looking for a job. You would think that him being the youngest of 5 that all this would be easy by now. Life......We show and tell him daily that he is loved. But we are just the parents. Not the peers/friends he craves to have.

Took him to an LGBT meetup at Picasso's coffee house yesterday evening. Couldn't tell who was there for that and who wasn't. Drank a coffee and left. I would feel so much better if he could find some friends. I hate that he feels alone. I would ask for suggestions on where I could take him to hang out, but, we have looked. In this area, outside of group counselling there isn't much. But in saying that, if there are any recommendation s for around here.....?

[Jennifer]

St. Louis is beyond my scope. If I knew of anything I would help you out. If, however, you want we can set up something between just us. Maybe meet somewhere in between Columbia and StL? I'll offer him as much help as I can, and you as well. There are a few groups here, but nothing I would say is worth traveling all that way for.

Anyway, it's just an idea..

[ktennill77]

Hey Opie

I am a therapist in St. Louis and see transgender clients and their families. I am also one of the professional moderators of this site.
I am trying to put together a support group for individuals and families in the transgender community.
My main office is in Creve Coeur but I also see clients in the Lake St. Louis/Ofallon MO area.

Would your son attend a group or hang out like this?
I think it could be a much needed opportunity for him or you to vent and find some sense of community.

Also, there are some good LBGT groups already formed in the area.

PFLAG st. charles meets the last Tuesday of the month at Youth in Need at 70/First Capitol

Transparenting USA
Meetings are on the 3rd Thursday of every month
6:30 pm to 8:30 pm
St. Louis Children’s Hospital, 1 Children’s Place, St. Louis, MO 63110
Contact support.team@transparentusa.org

or

Meetings are on the 1st Thursday of every month
6:30 pm to 8:30 pm
SSM Hospital, 100 Medical Plaza, Lake St. Louis, MO 63367
Contact stcharles.mo@transparentusa.org for more information

Myself and other supporters/advocates hope to help you both feel like you are not alone out there 

Kevin Tennill, MA PLPC MAADC II